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The Wowchuck
(Pudenda Magnifiosa) |
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The Wowchuk (Pudenda Magnifiosa) is one of the Northern American continent's
least-known mammals but is a creature worthy of greater study.
It's common name (The Na-nee) is a reference to its strong maternal characteristics. It is a small,
friendly, social creature generally found in the North-Western region of the United
States of America (see right). It ranges in height from five feet to five feet five
inches and astonishingly is always perfectly weighted for its height. Many have
remarked on its beautiful proportions, in particular its famed amply-sized chest.
Contrary to popular belief this is not a device solely for attracting the male but
rather one to house its large heart. Those that say that the Wowchuk has a bushy tail
have clearly never been able to get close enough to stroke it for it is actually
remarkably smooth and pleasant to the touch. The Wowchuk is a sensual animal and
can be greatly pleasured by having its tail stimulated in this manner. |
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The Wowchuk is often mistaken for other animals which may explain why it's appearance
is often heralded with a cry of "Nice Beaver". The Wowchuk Breeding season begins in
January and lasts until December. It is perhaps this extended "active" period combined
with its natural shyness that makes the Wowchuk such a fascinating creature to watch
whilst mating. Many a scientist fantasises about being able to see the Wowchuk in
action and video footage of this passes amongst the cognoscenti rapidly - the Internet
is probably a good source of this sort of material. The Wowchuk's appetite is so
voracious that its activities actually change the thermal characteristics of the
regions it inhabits as can be seen in the image on the left which shows the state of Oregon as
Wowchuk activity reaches its peak. |
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The most surprising feature of the Wowchuk is its ability to adopt human characteristics
and this is most observable in the creature's recreational activities.
Some have commented that the Wowchuk has a particularly relaxed approach to life and certainly photographic
evidence would tend to lend support to the theory that the Wowchuk has a moral base more
relaxed than many species. These pictures (taken candidly to avoid spooking this nervous
of creatures) do tend to give the impression of a slightly relaxed approach to Rizlas
and to habitual syringe usage. It is not for this author to say anything negative and
indeed it may very well be for these reasons that the Wowchuk has the reputation for a
fun lifestyle that it does. Many humans have commented on how nice it might be to spend
life as a Wowchuk. |
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So where can one find the largest Wowchuk concentration at this time ?
Well figures are notoriously hard to compile but the map below shows the believed location
of the largest American Wowchuk warren. So if you want to find one of these wonderful,
friendly, cuddly creatures - head here. |
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You know it makes sense ! Long live the Wowchuk ! |
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