When I fill in forms for the doctor, I don’t often score that badly. For example, I never fall asleep in the middle of doing things, so one of the standard sleep score tests doesn’t think I have too bad of a problem. Of course one way I keep that score down is by rarely doing anything. Neat trick – can’t fall asleep when reading if you never pick up a book.

Today I went for my usual Saturday meet-up. I felt a bit sluggish and my sympathy towards terribly driving around me was even lower than normal, but the walk was nice enough. I could tell I was irritable so took myself slightly away when people were doing things that I didn’t care for, and over which I had little control. A humping dog is one of those things many owners has to deal with, but when it has been doing it to another dog for half an hour, maybe it is time to step in. Not fun times for anyone.

Photo by Victor Grabarczyk on Unsplash

I got home and felt washed out. I messaged someone who had mooted coming over later to watch TV and said that I didn’t think that I was good company, and then I had a lie down. Essentially that’s where I’ve been for the past six hours. Now I am pondering whether I am lazy, because I know I could physically do an exciting thing if the opportunity arose, poisoned (because I feel like I’m drained from the inside), or just in a funk. Or none of these. Maybe I am tired and catching up on needed rest.

Certainly my motivation to do stuff is minimal. If I did do things, would I become increasingly cranky and eventually upset those around me with my mood ? Have I been this way for many years or is that just a handy excuse for being a bit of an arse so far in my life ? We probably will never know, unless one day I wake up “cured” !

So do I try to do something, anything, tangible at this stage of the day ? Or catch some good TV (I know my attention span usually makes me turn the TV off these days and fall asleep instead) ? Or just put the snooker on and drift in and out of consciousness until it is dissatisfyingly Sunday ?

Be happy you don’t have to share my space to find out.

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