Why am I so (trying to find the right word) irritated / upset / crushed / deflated (that’s the one) to have my messages overlooked on a random Twitch stream ? It isn’t personal, the streamer is just busy, but it really pushes some button deep in my soul. Partly it seems unfair every time someone else’s message is seen but mine isn’t, and partly it is that sense of exclusion you feel when others are part of something and you feel like an outsider. I am entirely aware this isn’t rational nor a proportionate reaction to what has occurred,
Tag: Mood
This evening, albeit briefly, I experienced a calm, a settled mess, a peace. If I had any idea idea what the word meant, I might have described myself as happy. I shall reflect later on what was and what was not present, to create such a moment, but for now, on a day that could have been marred by minor illness, a gentle peace has descended upon the three inhabitants of this home. Merry Christmas, you filthy animals.
I really did try. Well actually, it was weird. I lay in bed and didn’t go to sleep, but it wasn’t like I kept thinking “why can’t I get to sleep ?” I just didn’t sleep much. Then his dogness came by for his conversations and that wasn’t too bad because I wasn’t being woken from deep sleep. But now I am irritable. The young dog wouldn’t stop barking at things. A van. The postman. Me. Air. I tried throwing hose attachments at a fence but that didn’t seem to help at all. All the hose attachments have exploded in
I need to be careful today. My mood is off and I am feeling snarky. I can tell, even though I have not interacted with others, because I am being snarky in my head. Most of the day I am running conversations or scenarios through my mind in a constant whirl of pretend interactions. It is exhausting. But it is what I do. I saw a clip earlier of Chloe Grace Moretz explaining how she lied about her country of origin to book her first film role and I have been chuntering to myself about how the American studio audience insisted
Encounter this morning as I am driving the wrong way down my one-way street, alongside a series of road signs saying Road Closed – two-way traffic, and a man driving up the road gestures at me to get out of the road : Me : “The road is closed.” Him : “No it isn’t.” Me : “Yes it is. There are Road Closed signs.” Him : “No, it isn’t closed.” Me : “I live here. I wanted to turn right. I couldn’t because of all the signs in the road.” Him : No. It isn’t closed any more.” He gestures
This is probably when I should be blogging – when my mind is a bit frazzled. So although I really want to be in bed right now, I am going to quickly type this. At this moment I am not sure how I feel. Not bad, certainly, maybe just a little “off”. I was trying to watch a Twitch stream but it didn’t go the way I wanted it to. At some point I need to reflect upon whether that was genuinely a problem, or whether it is unsurprising that a stream run by and for 20 year-olds doesn’t gel
My former neighbour used to say that, usually to playfully tease me or someone else whom he saw as making a quick buck. But it does often seem to play that way. I used to have “spare money”, or so I thought. Various things have chipped into that situation such that I feel that statement is far less true now. In some ways it is good, making me turn off every light that isn’t necessary, and wearing an extra jumper rather than cranking up the heating. But I’d rather have more, obviously. One factor in my deteriorating financial situation is
I am pausing. I have been trying to clear some space down in my bathroom and kitchen (the two rooms on the ground floor – weird, huh ?) because I have ordered a load of dry dog food to arrive while it is on Black Friday pricing. This has involved me moving myself and objects. The excess weight of one makes the other all the more challenging. It isn’t a job that is fun to do although any clear space achieved will give me a small uplift, I’m sure. However I’m finding lots of reasons to huff. Shit I bought
When I fill in forms for the doctor, I don’t often score that badly. For example, I never fall asleep in the middle of doing things, so one of the standard sleep score tests doesn’t think I have too bad of a problem. Of course one way I keep that score down is by rarely doing anything. Neat trick – can’t fall asleep when reading if you never pick up a book. Today I went for my usual Saturday meet-up. I felt a bit sluggish and my sympathy towards terribly driving around me was even lower than normal, but the walk
Well, blogging later in the day isn’t going too well, is it ? I either don’t remember, or am ill-inclined, and it gets forgotten. So here I am, lying in bed on a Saturday morning, and I should use this little window. My standard Saturday morning is a good thing. Despite having a lot of control over my timings in the week, I seem to arrange a lot of tasks that get me going early. Maybe that’s deliberate to make sure I get stuff done, but I do set a lot of alarms to grumble at. Saturday mornings are relaxed,