Why am I so (trying to find the right word) irritated / upset / crushed / deflated (that’s the one) to have my messages overlooked on a random Twitch stream ? It isn’t personal, the streamer is just busy, but it really pushes some button deep in my soul. Partly it seems unfair every time someone else’s message is seen but mine isn’t, and partly it is that sense of exclusion you feel when others are part of something and you feel like an outsider. I am entirely aware this isn’t rational nor a proportionate reaction to what has occurred,
Tag: People
A friend of mine was telling me that I was better than a hole in the ground full of water. A deep hole. With a bucket. He meant well. It’s an old joke, and very much one of my high calibre. But it illustrates something I’ve just experienced. A friend has said that she has faith I will sort out what I need ahead of my photoshoot next week. She said : “I know you will make it work. You are a perfectionist !” This is obviously meant to be a very encouraging comment, reminding me that I tend to strive
A quick tip for anyone thinking about having a keyholder for their building. Don’t add a new fancy lock to the front door and then fail to give your keyholder a way to open that. Otherwise it will be late on Christmas Eve and he will be standing like a twat in a side street looking like a rubbish burglar as he tries to open a door while an alarm is going off. Let us hope it doesn’t sound again because there’s shit-all I can do about it tonight.
I need to be careful today. My mood is off and I am feeling snarky. I can tell, even though I have not interacted with others, because I am being snarky in my head. Most of the day I am running conversations or scenarios through my mind in a constant whirl of pretend interactions. It is exhausting. But it is what I do. I saw a clip earlier of Chloe Grace Moretz explaining how she lied about her country of origin to book her first film role and I have been chuntering to myself about how the American studio audience insisted
No, that isn’t a typo in the title, it is the Latin word for tomorrow. And from it, we get the word pro-cras-tination. Something I am very good at. Let me prove it to you. Actually, I’ll prove it in my next post, but you’ll see. (I’m funny.) Sunday mornings could be a time to get shit done. My dog plans are in the afternoon so I can have a lie-in and still get several hours of stuff under my belt before the physical-tireds kick in. However Bugsy was up to his usual tricks last night, simply refusing to settle
I just wrote my first “letter from the grave” to a friend. Weird, maybe, but I’ll explain why it isn’t a cause for concern. I like to be organised. Being so makes me calm, and that makes me less likely to get frustrated and lash out. So it makes sense that I should try to be organised for the one thing over which I probably have very little control – my death. I have made a will. If you have anything, even the smallest amount of things, and you don’t have a will, you are just making life more
Encounter this morning as I am driving the wrong way down my one-way street, alongside a series of road signs saying Road Closed – two-way traffic, and a man driving up the road gestures at me to get out of the road : Me : “The road is closed.” Him : “No it isn’t.” Me : “Yes it is. There are Road Closed signs.” Him : “No, it isn’t closed.” Me : “I live here. I wanted to turn right. I couldn’t because of all the signs in the road.” Him : No. It isn’t closed any more.” He gestures
This is probably when I should be blogging – when my mind is a bit frazzled. So although I really want to be in bed right now, I am going to quickly type this. At this moment I am not sure how I feel. Not bad, certainly, maybe just a little “off”. I was trying to watch a Twitch stream but it didn’t go the way I wanted it to. At some point I need to reflect upon whether that was genuinely a problem, or whether it is unsurprising that a stream run by and for 20 year-olds doesn’t gel
I don’t think it is unreasonable to expect someone to turn up to an appointment, particularly if they are the one who asked for it. Let’s compare. Today I went to a new place to walk my dogs because someone had posted on our dog Facebook page looking for friends for their Dogue de Bordeaux. I volunteered to drive over and meet them this morning. They chose a park near to them and gave vague indications where they would be. I walked around for quite a while, fortunately having a lovely time and meeting some very pleasant dog walkers, before
Okay, I have two good example of “me” and how I behave to share. I’ll do them as separate posts. For this one, know that a friend just shared a video with me. It wasn’t until I typed that that I realised the significance of that very first statement. The sharing of the clip was a sign of friendship but I had glossed past that onto a frequent worry of mine. I saw the clip and realised that it showed another friend at the first person’s house. This poked the part of me that says “Why do I not get