Although it usually does not seem that way for most people, if you have not currently got someone who is in love with you it is merely because you have not happened across that person yet. If you remain unconvinced and think “How could someone like me ever…” then just take a look around you at all the types of people who have found love and realise that if they can…you certainly can.

And will.

The Conduit is old beyond imagining so is able to take on board any question, no matter how rude or difficult. Of course the responses of The Conduit are hosted on this website and the moderator would try to exercise appropriate judgement in what gets posted. This site does not hide away from speaking frankly or considering adult matters so welcomes any such enquiry, however matters
that were deemed to be generally offensive or in any other way likely to cause distress would probably not be posted.

Short answer – you can ask anything… if The Conduit chooses not to answer then the enquiry will just vanish into the ether.

It was ! However, later the pipe was also used by Colonel Mustard to commit a murder.

As a wise man once said,

“I’m not paranoid…but I know everyone says I am.”

A little general caution and the odd glance over your shoulder is nothing to fear but when you start to see people tailing you it may be caused by one of many issues.

A guilty conscience is always a prime motivator of such feelings. Have you something to feel guilty about ? Is there something you would like to share with The Conduit (in the strictest confidence of course) ?

Perhaps you have an evil twin who exists with you in some form of closely-related but strangely parallel universe, able to impact upon your senses without actually taking corporeal form ?

Of course it might just be that you actually ARE being followed – if so, take appropriate action. Wear a false beard, thick glasses and a hat, and always carry a briefcase and an umbrella with poison in the tip. Or, if you are absolutely sure you have spotted the person tailing you, come and say hello – The Conduit doesn’t bite.

“Like” is such a subjective word. One can however probably find such people in the
ultra-secretive underground world of sadomasochistic couscous-fetishism.

An interesting question first posed by the controversial historian A.J.P. Taylor in his seminal thesis “Moo ? A Warning From History”. His central tenet was that the very harshness of war was the catalyst for these deep philosophical debates but his ideas sparked great discussion amongst the cognescenti of the era.

In more recent times Germaine Greer has offered a female perspective in her treatise “Moo ? A Non-Gender-Oriented Approach” but then she is only a girl so why listen ?

The general consensus is that whilst many people have asked the question “Moo ?“, perhaps the more pertinent question we should be posing is  ?

Unless you are “a pubic hair on a toilet seat” and this is the set-up to a lame joke The Conduit assumes that you are either a gay man, or a woman. Either way you have to realise that men are designed to appear to be annoying to help their partners maintain the delusion that they are perfect and can do no wrong. Consider however whether your current problems could, might, may possibly be partly, slightly, a smidgen your fault. If so, lay off…lay back…and enjoy the ride. It only gets bumpier from here !

It is possible that people just have difficulty believing you. Do you have an untrustworthy persona ? Are you prone to falsehoods ? Do you ever place biscuits into wheelchairs ?

If the answer to these is negative then you might try addressing the situation from the opposite viewpoint. Rather than looking to find the barriers to cookies, take positive steps to ensure they are accepted. Certain sites (such as Blogspot par exemple) can simply seem to refuse to function in IE without specific authorisation. Go into your security settings and list the problem sites as one to ALWAYS accept cookies from and see if this solves your problem.

As we move well into the twenty-first century, you should also be advised that most people believe the more acceptable question to be “Why does everyone think my cookies are differently abled ?”

The Conduit is impressed that so early there should be a question designed to try and fox the mighty powers. This is of course a trick question – nobody should ever wear a red shirt if they wish to be taken seriously. In emergency situations one can be worn without a tie but no formal situation should ever have such an item foisted upon it.

The reasons for this are believed to date back to Neanderthal man who discovered that certain items were more digestible than others. He realised that if he ate things like fruit and vegetables he gained health and vitality whereas if he ate things like gravel and sand he felt like shit.

Thus did pre-historic man realise he should not eat couscous.